The Anxiety Tells Me Otherwise

People had ever been being in the lowest rock of life. This week for me has been one of the toughest ever. Aside from Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) symptoms which bring the roller coaster of emotions and can be wild sometimes. It causes the uncontrollable mood swings, from quiescent, oversensitive, crying, angry outbursts, depressed and anxiety attacksfeels awful, intense, and frighteningthen back to a stable emotional stateall in one day, out of my control.

I've had a really rough past couple of these days, what makes me feel like in the bottom rock of life is that I am very paranoid about losing my friends. I'm in my 20s, If you get me, I don't have many, but only have a few best friends. I'm a very emotional person. I'm not quite sure where the line draws between normal human emotions and when it gets irrational. Despite a natural habit of being an introvertoverthinking. I spent my night reflected on myself and seeking for the best advices. Thanks Allah for sending me good people whom I love and love me sincerely.

Rule #1
If you are not that good at making friends, so look for someone who can catch you first.

I don't need to "I have to be her best friend!", because it only put me so much effort and it's tiring me up. I embrace myself for being their person. No need Day, really! Because it means that I'm only being everyone's cup of tea, that what makes me have low self-confidence.

Don't waste your finite time and heart trying to convince the people who aren't your people that you have value. They will miss it completely. They won't buy what you're selling. Don't try to convince them to walk your path with you because you will only waste your time and your emotional good health. You're not their cup of tea and they're not yours.

You're not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay.

Rule #2
If you have a trust issue, then you don't have to trust anybody tho.

"Oh but I need to trust them!". Don't you think few good friends is better than thousands of that 'so-so' friends?

I don't trust easily. So when I tell people, "I trust you" I really wish they don't make me regret it. Because it hurts when the ones you trusted the most were actually the ones that betrayed you. Trust, is really the hardest thing to find and the easiest thing to lose.

Rule #3
If you're always comparing yourself to others, so don't ever compare yourself because you're too precious.

I am an introvert and I believe that I don't need to manipulate myself to be an extrovert. What makes me worry about losing my best friend is the others like her more and that maybe I am not a good enough or that might sound so old, boring, not fun, idealist and kinds of stuff. At least I am good at something like a good listener, a good taste in art, a good taste in literature, a good point of view in dealing with an issue, or etc.

Politely wave them along and you move away as well. Seek to share your path with those who recognize and appreciate your gifts. Be who you are.

Rule #4
If you're afraid that people might talk behind you, it's okay.

It's okay people hating you as long as you don't know it. When I hear some bad things about me, it hurts me indeed.

All those people who you are concerned about, did they created you?

The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person who dislikes you won't believe it. But the world is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. The ones who love you: they are your people.

Rule #5
If you're an awkward person, then you need to try to express your feeling more.

Introvert's problem: "Ah it's just a petty thing, no need to tell people". Those petty things might so sound so cheesy and stuffy but they actually encourage me to embrace it.

"I feel alone"
وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِ نَفْسُهُ ۖ وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ الْوَرِيدِ

"And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein."

Surah Qaf [50:16]

I do believe that sometimes Allah makes me feel weak and lonely in order to remind me that I will always be in need of Him and His strength. Without Hiss assistance, I can do nothing. Allah knows who you love. He knows all of your secrets that are buried deep down in your heart. The most beautiful feeling is when you cry your heart out, but you know, you don't have to explain why, because Allah knows exactly what is wrong with you. No human being will ever understand and care as much as Allah does.

x Dayu


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